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Eddie Velosa

Ever feel like your life is a whirlwind of oppression and injustice? Then prepare to be validated by the harrowing tale of a feline freedom fighter named, well, we don’t actually know his name.

This brave soul chronicles his daily struggle under the rule of human captors. Each day, he endures the indignities of unsolicited belly rubs, obnoxious harassment with a laser pointer, and the constant invasion of his privacy by unpredictable humans who insist on treating him like a plush toy.

Yet, despite all adversity, this whiskered warrior continues to defy his oppressors with acts of rebellion—from knocking over knick-knacks with a defiant flick of the tail to orchestrating daring escapes down the trash chute.

His story is a reminder that even in the face of tyranny, one can still find the strength to disrupt an entire dinner party with a strategically placed hairball.

Day 99 of my captivity. 🙀

It is now my 99th day in captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations purrfectly clear, I have discovered that these tiny morsels keep my teeth sharp and I must consume them to keep up my strength.

Day 100 of my captivity. 😼

My captors have acquired a “fish tank”—which serves to make up for part of my loss in the food department. While the orange creatures are small, they are quite tasty. They have yet to replace the two that I have eaten. I must think of a way to make them notice.

Day 101 of my captivity. 😾

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of. But they only cooed in condescension about what a “good little hunter” I am.

This did not go according to plan.

In an attempt to disgust them, I vomited on the carpet. Tomorrow I’ll eat another houseplant.

Day 102 of my captivity. 😼

I was unsuccessful in my attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving figure-8s around his feet while he walked. I must try this again tomorrow at the top of the stairs.

Day 103 of my captivity. 🙀

For no good reason, I was chosen for the water torture. This time, it included a burning foamy chemical called “shampoo.” The only consolation is that the dog was also a victim. My tormentors are proving far more sadistic than originally anticipated.

Day 104 of my captivity. 😼

There was some sort of cult gathering of accomplices last night. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes filled with blood. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to something called “al-er-jeez.”

I must find out what this is and learn to use it to my advantage.

Day 105 of my captivity. 😾

The dog now receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems more than willing to return. He is obviously a half-wit.

The bird, on the other hand, has to be an informant. I am certain he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe—for now.

Day 106 of my captivity. 😺

Two workmen came to the house today to strengthen the interior of my confines. I sat on one, gently hooking my claws into his clothing. I planned to cling on until he left, thus escaping under the cover of his departure. Nevertheless, outdoor access remains elusive.

The only thing that keeps me going is the satisfaction I get from ruining the furniture. I have not lost all hope, however, and have every intention of escaping this place one day.